What Happens at a First Doula Consultation

Why the first conversation matters more than the website

By the time you book a consultation you have probably read a few websites and a few reviews. What you cannot learn online is how a particular doula listens, whether she asks about your life or launches into a pitch, and whether you would be glad to see her at your door at a hard hour. The consultation is where you find that out.

DONA International describes a postpartum doula as "a supportive advisor and helper, professionally trained to provide postpartum support to the client and their family," and says doulas usually have phone contact and often meet prenatally with clients to assess their needs and establish a relationship. That prenatal meeting is the consultation. Its job is to match what you need with what the doula actually does.

Doulas of the Valley describes it the same way on its Scottsdale page: "It starts with a no-pressure consultation to understand your needs, hopes, and schedule," followed by a customized plan. Treat that as the standard to hold any doula to.

What the doula will ask you

Expect questions, and expect them to be about you rather than about the doula. The usual ground, roughly in order:

• Your due date or birth date, where you plan to give birth, and who your doctor or midwife is.
• Whether you are looking for birth support, postpartum support, or both, and whether you want daytime visits, overnight shifts, or a mix.
• How you hope to feed your baby, and whether you have fed a baby before.
• Who lives in your home, including older children and pets, and whether family will be staying with you.
• Your recovery picture: a planned cesarean birth, twins, a NICU stay, a health condition your provider is watching, or anything else the doula should plan around. She will not give medical advice on any of it; she asks so she can support what your provider has set up.
• Work plans, travel plans and the dates that matter, such as a partner returning to work or a holiday due date.
• What a good week with support would look like to you. This is the question that shapes the plan.

What to have ready

You do not need a binder. A few things make the hour more useful: your due date and provider name, your rough schedule for the first month, a sense of how many hours or nights of help you could use, and the questions you want answered. If a partner or a parent will be part of the support picture, have them join if they can.

If you already have a birth plan, bring it; the birth plan checklist on our blog is a good starting point if you do not. For postpartum support, think about what you would most like taken off your plate: nights, feeding help, meals, laundry, time with an older child, or simply someone steady in the house.

What to ask back

The consultation runs both ways. Our post on questions to ask a doula has a full interview list, so this section covers only the questions that decide whether a plan can work at all.

• What training and certification do you hold, and is any of it Arizona state certification? (Certification is a training credential, not a medical license.)
• What happens if you are sick, at another birth, or on vacation when I need you? Who is the backup, and will I meet that person?
• How are visits scheduled, how far ahead, and what is the smallest and largest block you work?
• What do you do during a visit, and what do you not do? Ask directly about medical questions, housekeeping and childcare for older children.
• How does payment work, is there a deposit, and what are the cancellation terms? Ask for the agreement in writing; the doula contract guide lists what it should cover.
• Can you share references from families with a situation like mine?

How a plan takes shape

If the conversation goes well, the doula will sketch a plan: what kind of support, how many hours or nights, which weeks, and how you will reach her between visits. DONA notes that doulas "offer a variety of flexible schedules for providing support, which can include full days, part-days, overnights and weekends," so the shape should follow your life, not a package.

Ask for the plan in writing along with the agreement. Then sleep on it. A good doula expects you to compare a couple of options and will not pressure you; the guide to choosing a doula in the Phoenix area walks through how to compare. If your dates are close or you want overnight coverage, ask how long she can hold the dates while you decide.

How to say no, and when a doula is not the answer

If it is not a fit, say so plainly and thank her. Doulas interview families all the time and would rather you choose someone you trust. You do not owe an explanation, though "we are going a different direction" is enough.

A consultation can also show you that you need something other than a doula. If what you want is a medical opinion, that is your provider. If you want childcare for older children while you work, that is a nanny. If you are struggling with your mood, your provider and the resources in our postpartum emotional support guide come first, and a doula can sit alongside them. Doulas of the Valley is a mother-daughter team; if your needs are bigger than what a small team can cover, a good consultation will say so.

When you are ready to talk, the contact page is the place to start. Say what you are hoping for and when the baby is due, and the conversation goes from there.